Outlet to Nowhere

I feel like this has been long overdue now. My state of mind is traveling down the rocky coastline at 100 miles an hour, desperately trying to find somewhere to settle. The world around me is merely an extension of my mind, everything is seemingly artificial. I am searching for anyone or anything out there that may demonstrate to me where this state of euphoria exists. These cloudy question marks have been irrevocable from the fabric of my being.

Halloween is full of irony. Every year at colleges around the country, these young-adults gather round in costumes. Hiding their moral fabric behind this costume, something so simple, so flimsy, that covers up something so broad and complex. This costume becomes a black curtain for many to hide behind, well guess what, your cover's blown. This night becomes a gateway to any sort of high we can achieve as human beings, whether it be from substance abuse or unfulfilling one night stands. We all seek these moments of happiness that are so artificial, the subconscious mind knows it, yet the conscious mind is hypnotized by them. Expedited bursts of pleasure are lovely; however, we find ourselves coming back to them constantly, doing anything in our power to achieve our next high. Don't let me come off as pretentious, please, I find these as one of the most pleasant things on God's green earth.

Do we really know what happiness is? At 18 years old I feel like the world around us tries to perpetuate these ideas of where to find happiness. Mainstream media is such pit. It puts us in shackles while our eyelids are taped open and we are forced to consume what it spews into our heads. These feelings of elation are so short-lived, are the next 4 years of my life going to be this redundant? I worry the next 2 years of my life are going to put me at a pause in terms of self-growth. It stirs my mind with uncertainty.

I realize now why I have this condition to work out almost incessantly. It is fear. Not fear of rejection, no, that's far too vague; Rather, it is a fear perpetuated by the fact that the person that may very well impact my life the most may pass me up like an old novel with a dusty cover. That novel may very well be more thought provoking than any piece you've read in your life. You're probably asking yourself, "Why would I be searching for someone that could be superficial enough pass me up due to my physical appearance?" Well the world is outrageously superficial. My true hope is to have a mutual relationship of some sort with everyone I come across. I really hope you all find that someone in your perpetual journey...